Professional Contestants

ProCo Episode 50: No Podcasts - Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

March, 2007. I’m on a boat. My mom? Well my mom’s on a slide in the Play Place at the McDonalds in Vancouver, Canada. No, this doesn’t really have anything to do with the episode, but it sure was intriguing, wasn’t it?!?! The Contestants are actually taking a more serious turn this week to try to build a more prominent reputation in the Chicago celebrity community. We’re going to bring our resolutions to fruition as we build a plan to win the NPR news based quiz show, Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!

Zach writes the first line of a new short novel, Jared gets a hip new nickname, and Adam gets everyone to say the wrong announcer’s name for the entire second half of the episode.

Talking Points Include: Reviewing Our Resolutions, Chicago Celebrities, Hot and Horny NPR, The Rock Soundboard, Happy News Year, New Cool Voices, Brown Line Boys, Jazzy J Bungaloo, Sneaky Self Promotion

ProCo Episode 45: The Rightful Master Earls of Baking - The Great American Baking Show

The Right Honorable Earls Professional Contestants are now present, and they’re about to bake you some Chocolate Pizza that will blow your mind! The Contestants are about to jump into a British baking show with an American title with the goal of becoming American citizens with British titles. Step aside you Brits! We’re taking back The Great American Baking Show!

Zach develops a foolproof baking catch-all, Jared drops some hot salad tips, and Adam really tries to push Electric Sleighs.

Talking Points Include: Sleigh Talk, Master Bakers, John Paul Bones Jones Bon Jovi, Sloppy Jolene, British Royal Titles, Chocolate Pizza, Citizen Fieri, Hollywood’s Halls of Hot Dogs

ProCo Episode 44: New Stud - Baggage

I know no way of judging the future but by the past… and in our case the past consists of disclosing your darkest personality flaws for national television and the Springer audience. The Contestants are here re-haul Earth’s global governing system so that it takes on the format of Jerry’s ‘sexy secret revealing’ game show, Baggage.

Zach needs sandwich breaks, Jared wants to class up the place, and Adam cannot resist Hulk Hogan’s sexual energy.

Talking Points Include: Energy Masked Suitcase, Dr. Pepper Basement, Ghost Sex, Stone Em’, Adult Film Awards, The Greatest American Hero, Child Napoleon, Sexy United Nations, France’s Terrible Oranges, Supreme Court Springer

ProCo Episode 43: E(at)Sports - Hurl!

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and in a world where a man’s word is more important than almost anything else, sacrifices must be made to preserve what little canon has already been established in 43 short episodes. This week, The Contestants find no other option than to stare down the barrel of Franks n’ Beans and Creamed Corn in order to stomach the nauseating game show, Hurl!

Zach is dependent on arugula, Jared takes one for the team when forced to confront his established super power, and Adam puts a friend of the show on blast in order to form a plan.

Talking Points Include: A Sad Story, Sudden Barf, Diarrhea Strats, Ripley’s Choice, World’s Best Job, Professional Eaters’ League, Eat Magic, Intestinal Support Dog, No More Showers, The Bear Affair

ProCo Episode 42: Pat Sajak's Nasty Week - Wheel of Fortune

The puzzle board has started making lewd references and Pat Sajak directed a knowing wink at the camera. This can only mean one thing… Nasty Week has begun! But is this good news for The Contestants? Listen to find out as previously undiscovered areas are revealed in Wheel of Fortune!

Zach would like to buy an owl, Jared can’t remember the name Vanna, and Adam knows a real life Wheel of Fortune contestant.

Talking Points Include: Buying an Owl, Sajak No Swiping, Banana White, Game Show Host Wage Gap, Contract Law, Designated Spinners, Framing a Murder, Penis Town USA, Ouija Wheel, Merv Griffin’s Ghost

ProCo Episode 41: What Isn't in the Box? - Who Wants to be Governor of California: The Debating Game

What’s in the box? It can be anything you want. It is simultaneously everything, and yet nothing. And if you vote for The Contestants in the California gubernatorial recall election that we all know is coming, you may just find out what’s inside… that is as soon as we make off with the winnings from Who Wants to be Governor of California: The Debating Game.

Zach pictures a cardboard box, Jared pictures an ornate box, and Adam pictures a shipping box.

Talking Points Include: County Executive Beetle, California’s Wild 2003 Gubernatorial Recall Election, Tax Deductible Lap Dances, Accidental Governors, Finding A Schtick, Mayor Eastwood, The Dank Meme Party, Box Jealousy, Box Brad Pitt, Being in the Box, Coming Out of the Box

ProCo Episode 40: Weekend at Walberg's - The Moment of Truth

Lets start this just by saying that we’re sorry. Not only has this episode come to you a day late, but The Contestants are stepping up to, without a doubt, the worst game show they’ve confronted to date. They are going to have to have some calm nerves, a lot of turkey, and inspiration from a classic film in order to make it through The Moment of Truth.

Zach creates the very serious word “smig”, Jared is not Dracula, and Adam is concerned about being considered slippery.

Talking Points Include: Ghost Intimacy, Mail Song Competition, Actual Ass, Maury Game Show, Government Intervention, Cheating a Polygraph, Slippy Bois, Employing Dracula, Turkey Coma, Library Ventriloquism

ProCo Episode 39: Little Orphan Jigsaw - Saw

Happy Snake Day! As we reach the end of the Snake With Big Teeth season, there is only one horror game (show) that is insane enough to be worthy of sending off our favorite holiday. The Contestants are looking to inspire a change of heart in the trap man himself as we take on the 2004 cult classic, Saw.

Zach is dedicated to cleaning the bathroom, Jared does a great impression of waking up in a dirty bathroom, and Adam insists that The Winter Warlock is pertinent to the current situation.

Talking Points Include: Snake Day Celebrations, Dirty Dirty Bathrooms, Insomnia Bin Laden, Return of Three Sweet Boys, Huffy Trikes, Laser Tooth, Winter Warlock Arthritis, One Star Airbnb, The Suit of Armor, Escape Room Bonding, Free Form Bit Time