ProCo Episode 51: Big Doodie Energy - Match Game

As we all know, having a good role model in life is essential when striving to become a Cool Dood, and when it comes to celebrities, there is no exception. But when there are so many Cool Doods out there, how can we ever be sure that everyone has been matched up with the right mentors? Enter The Contestants, who have solved this issue with one enormous awards show event! It is purely for the improvement of Hollywood’s up and coming Cool Doods. I promise it has nothing to do with the fact that Match Game is taping the same night. For real, stop asking.

Zach returns to the random celebrity generator, Jared is prepared to face difficulty head on, and Adam plays a celebrity mentorship matchmaker.

Talking Points Include: Jared’s Big Coat, Poo Horse, This Elevator Has No Shame, Neil Degrassi Tyson, Return of Our Enemies, Seniors’ Choice Awards, Big Doodie Little Doodie, A Walk Down Enemy Lane

ProCo Episode 50: No Podcasts - Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

March, 2007. I’m on a boat. My mom? Well my mom’s on a slide in the Play Place at the McDonalds in Vancouver, Canada. No, this doesn’t really have anything to do with the episode, but it sure was intriguing, wasn’t it?!?! The Contestants are actually taking a more serious turn this week to try to build a more prominent reputation in the Chicago celebrity community. We’re going to bring our resolutions to fruition as we build a plan to win the NPR news based quiz show, Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!

Zach writes the first line of a new short novel, Jared gets a hip new nickname, and Adam gets everyone to say the wrong announcer’s name for the entire second half of the episode.

Talking Points Include: Reviewing Our Resolutions, Chicago Celebrities, Hot and Horny NPR, The Rock Soundboard, Happy News Year, New Cool Voices, Brown Line Boys, Jazzy J Bungaloo, Sneaky Self Promotion

ProCo Episode 49: Keep Calm and Carey On – The Power of 10

It is always darkest before the dawn. All steel must be forged in fire. And all game show hosts must suffer through really crappy game shows before they earn a place in Price is Right Nirvana. But don’t worry 2007 Drew Carey, the ProCo Boys are here to cheer you on. And exploit your struggle just a little bit.

Zach roasts our friend Drew, Jared tries to celebrate an anniversary, and Adam wants to know what a “good” trap is.

Talking Points: An Anniversary (Kind Of), The Best and the Worst, All Kinds of Cancelled, A Fetus?, Carey Me Home, She Love Ivan, The Most Average Prize, What Q’s Drew Wants to Know, Buy Stock in Denny’s

ProCo Episode 48: Murder Pranks - Ellen's Game of Games

When the world’s greatest detective is the one who is murdered, who is left to discover the culprit? Probably the other two world’s greatest detectives who showed up with them. The Contestants are daring to walk away from Ellen Degeneres’ new game show not only with the top money prize, but also with the new title of Masters of Pranks. We are bringing murder mystery to Ellen’s Game of Games.

Zach is McGruff the Crime Dog, Jared is Hercule Poirot, and Adam is Nancy Drew.

Talking Points Include: Energy Man, Cryptic Santa, Prank Or Gaslight, Pranking the Prank Master, Ellen’s Best Friends, Candy Bar Bribery, Ellen The Generous, The World’s Greatest Detectives

ProCo Episode 47: Humans F**k Off - The Great Christmas Light Fight

Happy Holidays everyone! The Contestants are getting into the holiday spirit, and for us that means adopting a sloth son and planning a wedding at the zoo. Join us in our holiday festivities and watch us win The Great Christmas Light Fight if you would like. Just be cool and don’t ruin the animal atmosphere by being a stupid human.

Zach fills out various forms, Jared ponders sloth kisses, and Adam learns some bad news about Koko.

Talking Points Include: The Night Before Christmas, Winter Solstice, Horny for Christmas, Bill’s Peaceful Rest, The Santa Box, Destructive Children, The Zoo Application, Adopting a Son, Zoo Break, Mid Episode Mail, Wedding Planning, Progressive Parenting, Koko’s B Sides

ProCo Episode 46: Get Money Quickly or Subsequently Die - Ice Road Truckers

So lets be honest, do any of us really know whats going on up in Alaska or Canada’s Northwest Territories? To us, it sounds like the perfect place to launch a career as Ice Pirates. The Contestants are courageously becoming seasonal route truck drivers with the goal of gaining eternal infamy and cementing their legacy in the dangerous world of Ice Road Truckers.

Zach’s going to be in a hot air balloon, Jared’s going to be in a submarine, Adam’s going to be in a truck.

Talking Points Include: Finally Funny, The Newly Appointed Comedy Boy, Heavy Loads, Return of the Buck Truck, Hot Air in a Blizzard, Medium Sized Submarine, Load Pirates, Poo Dollar

ProCo Episode 45: The Rightful Master Earls of Baking - The Great American Baking Show

The Right Honorable Earls Professional Contestants are now present, and they’re about to bake you some Chocolate Pizza that will blow your mind! The Contestants are about to jump into a British baking show with an American title with the goal of becoming American citizens with British titles. Step aside you Brits! We’re taking back The Great American Baking Show!

Zach develops a foolproof baking catch-all, Jared drops some hot salad tips, and Adam really tries to push Electric Sleighs.

Talking Points Include: Sleigh Talk, Master Bakers, John Paul Bones Jones Bon Jovi, Sloppy Jolene, British Royal Titles, Chocolate Pizza, Citizen Fieri, Hollywood’s Halls of Hot Dogs

ProCo Episode 44: New Stud - Baggage

I know no way of judging the future but by the past… and in our case the past consists of disclosing your darkest personality flaws for national television and the Springer audience. The Contestants are here re-haul Earth’s global governing system so that it takes on the format of Jerry’s ‘sexy secret revealing’ game show, Baggage.

Zach needs sandwich breaks, Jared wants to class up the place, and Adam cannot resist Hulk Hogan’s sexual energy.

Talking Points Include: Energy Masked Suitcase, Dr. Pepper Basement, Ghost Sex, Stone Em’, Adult Film Awards, The Greatest American Hero, Child Napoleon, Sexy United Nations, France’s Terrible Oranges, Supreme Court Springer